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| Get your "boner" jokes out the way, kids. |
One, I needed something metal to purge all the bougieness from my system. Two, it’s Halloween, so what better time to bring in this fucker? Three, Dracolich’s entry actually comes before “Dragon, General”, so technically this whole order I’ve been doing things in was a sham from the beginning.
The dracolich is an undead creature resulting from the unnatural transformation of an evil dragon.
For once, this actually makes sense; from what I remember, lore-wise, you have to do some seriously evil shit to become a lich in the first place. Still not okay with the whole "evil is genetic" thing D&D's embraced here.
The mysterious Cult of the Dragon practices the powerful magic necessary for the creation of the dracolich, though other practitioners are also rumored to exist.
Oh, those crazy fantasy cultists. They’ll worship damn near anything, won’t they? I can understand a cult forming around a dragon; we tend to have very strong personalities, in addition to being the big handsome lizards we are.
Deciding that skeleton dragons ruling the world is the best idea ever, and doing everything possible to make that happen? Metal, but also fucking stupid.
A dracolich can be created from any of the evil dragon subspecies. A dracolich retains the physical appearance of its original body, except that its eyes appear as glowing points of light floating in shadowy eye sockets.
And also, it’s got mold on it and smells awful.
Skeletal or semi-skeletal dracoliches have been observed on occasion.
On occasion? Skeletal dracoliches are the only kind you ever actually see illustrated! It’s like if humans were only ever drawn with a cleft palate, regardless of how many actually had one.
The rest of this part is just saying “Yeah, they’re pretty much just dragons, but also undead.”
And dear Gosh, am I not touching most of the Combat section. Skipping to the end, we’ve got the fact that it can attempt undead control once every three days. I’m sorry, what? “I AM THE MASTER OF ALL THAT IS UNDEATH! … BUT ONLY ON WEDNESDAYS AND SATURDAYS!”
Here’s where things get interesting again:
If a dracolich or proto-dracolich is slain, its spirit immediately returns to its host. If there is no corpse in range for it to possess, the spirit is trapped in the host until such a time -- if ever -- that a corpse becomes available.
In theory, that’s a fucking horrifying concept; being reduced to a bodiless spirit trapped forever in an object. Gosh help you if you get stuck as a gold dildo or something.
A dracolich is difficult to destroy. It can be destroyed outright by power word, kill or a similar spell.
Power word, kill is pretty much the “DM says ‘fuck you, you’re dead now’” spell.
If its spirit is currently contained in its host, destroying the host when a suitable corpse is not within range effectively destroys the dracolich.
Can you imagine the kind of Chainsaw Massacre house this thing’s lair must look like? Just nothing but corpses everywhere, in case you destroy the one it’s in.
Likewise, an active dracolich is unable to attempt further possessions if its host is destroyed.
So, it’s just reduced to a regular dragon, but gross and smelly.
The fate of a disembodied dracolich spirit -- that is, a spirit with no body or host -- is unknown, but it is presumed that it is drawn to the lower planes
i.e. We dunno what happens to it, but we're pretty sure it goes to Hell.
Habitat/Society: The creation of a dracolich is a complex process involving the transformation of an evil dragon by arcane magical forces, the most notorious practitioners of which are members of the Cult of the Dragon.
Again, you have to wonder why the Cult of the Dragon even exists. Hell, shouldn’t it be called something more like “Cult of the Gross Rotting Zombie Dragons”?
The process is usually a cooperative effort between the evil dragon and the wizards, but especially powerful wizards have been known to coerce an evil dragon to undergo the transformation against its will.
“Alright, listen here, dragon! I’m gonna make you become immortal and powerful, and you’re gonna like it!”
“NOOO! YOU CAN’T MAKE MEEEEE!”
Any evil dragon is a possible candidate for transformation, although old dragons or older with spell-casting abilities are preferred.
We only accept geriatric dragons, here.
Once a candidate is secured, the wizards first prepare the dragon's host, an inanimate object that will hold the dragon's life force. The host must be a solid item of not less than 2,000 gp value resistant to decay (wood, for instance, is unsuitable).
Sorry, no macaroni sculpture liches for you.
A gemstone is commonly used for a host, particularly ruby, pearl, carbuncle, and jet, and is often set in the hilt of a sword or other weapon.
You know, to make it more attractive to the adventurers that are already out to kill you and steal your shit.
The host is prepared by casting enchant an item upon it and speaking the name of the evil dragon; the item may resist the spell by successfully saving vs. spell as an 11th-level wizard.
That is such an odd wording. “Why won’t this sword accept my soul?!” “It, uh… Didn’t want to?”
If the spell is resisted, another item must be used for the host. If the spell is not resisted, the item can then function as a host. If desired, glassteel can be cast upon the host to protect it.
If desired, you can take extra steps to ensure not fucking dying.
Next, a special potion is prepared for the evil dragon to consume. The exact composition of the potion varies according to the age and type of the dragon, but it must contain precisely seven ingredients, among them a potion of evil dragon control, a potion of invulnerability, and the blood of a vampire.
In Soviet Russia, YOU bite vampires!
When the evil dragon consumes the potion, the results are determined as follows (roll percentile dice):
Roll Result
01-10 No effect.
11-40 Potion does not work. The dragon suffers 2d12 points of damage and is helpless with convulsions for 1-2 rounds.
41-50 Potion does not work. The dragon dies. A full wish or similar spell is needed to restore the dragon to life; a wish to transform the dragon into a dracolich results in another roll on this table.
51-00
Potion works.
That’s roughly a fifty-fifty chance of the dragon actually successfully becoming a dracolich. It’s akin to flipping a coin to see whether you either become immortal, or die a horrible fucking death.
Worse yet, dying by this asinine means requires a wish spell to undo. Still, by the time you reach the mental state where this sounds like a good idea, you’re likely not long for this world anyway.
All this begs the question of why a DM would even need all this information in the first place. Is the DM really going to roll this shit in the background? What if they fuck up, do they just have to go without a dracolich?
If the potion works, the dragon's spirit transfers to the host, regardless of the distance between the dragon's body and the host.
In short, be very careful the host isn’t on the other side of the planet, or you’re screwwwwwwed.
Once the spirit is contained in the host, the host must be brought within 90 feet of a reptilian corpse; under no circumstances can the spirit possess a living body. The spirit's original body is ideal, but the corpse of any reptilian creature that died or was killed within the previous 30 days is suitable.
Imagine how mortifying it would be if the corpse in question was a fucking gecko.
More and more text wall. The only things of note are that it can’t speak, use magic, or fire its breath weapons for the first week it’s undead. If it’s body isn’t its original form, it has to eat at least 10% of said body, and will go nuts looking for it until it can. If it can’t, it’s stuck in that body it’s in (gecko dracolich is having a really bad day).
Ecology: Dracoliches are never hungry, but they must eat in order to refuel their breath weapons. Like dragons, dracoliches can consume nearly anything, but prefer the food eaten by their original forms (for instance, if a dracolich was originally a red dragon, it prefers fresh meat).
Wait, can these dragons still taste things? What about skeletal ones, does the food just fall through their ribcage, or does it disappear entirely?
The body of a destroyed dracolich crumbles into a foul-smelling powder within a few hours; this powder can be used by knowledgeable wizards as a component for creating potions of undead control and similar magical substances.
Nice to know that, even in undeath, dragons are just so good to make drugs and shit from.
Well, that was my Halloween post, everyone. Booooo!
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