Let's Dissect 2e's Dragons, Draconomicon Edition - Steel Dragon

“My name… is Drag Bag’em. I’ve got a cloaca of STEEEELLLLL.”

Yes, not even a sentence in, and I’m making genital jokes. This is what you signed up for, everyone.

Steel dragons love the companionship of humans and demihumans, thus explaining their preference for cities.

Read: they like stud-hunting in the city.

Let's Dissect 2e's Dragons, Draconomicon Edition - Dracohydra

"Dammit, Middle Head! Quit wandering out of the frame when we're trying to have our picture taken!"

Haha, woowwwwww, I’ve been fucking slow on these posts. So much for them being “cheap and quick to crank out”, huh?

Yep, more Draconomicon 2e good(?)ness!

Dracohydras are hideous, multiheaded winged monsters that combine the worst features of dragons and hydras.

Looking at that picture, I’d have to disagree on the “hideous” part. I’m more concerned with the head in the upper-center of the picture, there; he looks like he’s having trouble breathing.

Let's Dissect 2e's Dragons, Draconomicon Edition - Mercury Dragon

This illustration isn't actually in the book, but it's contemporary, so shush.

Because you knew I had to talk about this book's dragons sooner or later.

Yeah, yeah, I know I still have more of the MM to go, but doing things in this order is just how this dragon rolls, and he'll roll on you if you have a problem with it!

Anyway, without further ado, let’s get a-mockin’!

Mercury dragons are fast, highly-maneuverable creatures with relatively small bodies and long tails.
Their size is listed as “H (25’ base)”, so make what you will of that “relatively”. No indication of how long their tails are, sadly.

Although basically good in alignment, they are very whimsical creatures, making decisions and changing them at the drop of a hat. Their behavior is almost impossible to predict.

You could say they’re… Actually, no, I won’t insult your intelligence with that punchline. I will ask, though: are metallic dragons’ scales supposed to be made of that particular metal? I hope not, because that’ll mean problems for our friend here.

Let's Dissect 2e's Dragons Pride Month Special! - Rainbow Dragon

Hot damn, where to start with this guy. He's pretty much all frills and pointy bits. I feel stabbed just looking at him. Meanwhile, everyone around him is randomly doing the YMCA dance. Maybe he's just providing the lights for a rave?

 Yeah, yeah, talk about waiting until the last minute. But hey, better late than never, right? I can’t think of a better way for this blog to cap off Pride Month than with an extra-gay D&D dragon.

I didn’t think it was possible that any dragon gayer than me or my brother could ever exist, but here we are. And before you say it, yes, I know that tearing this one page from Dragon Magazine #146 is wayyyyy out of order, but guess what?

I’m Paphvul the gay dragon, I shitpost where I wish, and none dare resist!

Behold, the Rainbow Dragon!

This Strawberry Shortcake sumbitch is a real thing that got published in official D&D materials.

And I love him to death.

Let's Dissect the 2e Monster Manual's Dragons - Brown Dragon

Whoops! Wrong brown dragon.

There we go!

Hey, been a while, hasn’t it?

Well, after we’ve done the Chromatics and Metallics both, you’re probably wondering how many more dergs D&D could possibly have left to throw at us.

As it turns out, D&D’s remarkable tendency to whore out and reiterate a concept until the original luster is long gone doesn’t exclude its titular handsome reptiles. We ain’t scratched the fucking surface of this giant gay lizard iceberg.

And good thing, too, Gosh only knows what would happen if I ran out of quick, easy material to bang out posts about.