Paphvul's Fan Theory Commandments

I was watching one of those fan theory videos, and while it started somewhere interesting at first, it fell apart in the second half. That prompted me to think of a set of commandments for fan theories to follow, in order to prevent so much of the bullshit I keep seeing everywhere:

1. If the text doesn't prompt you to doubt whether its events are supposed to actually be happening to the characters, assume that it is actually happening. No "dream theories", or coma creepypastas.
2. Only source from canon. If your ideas can't be supported by evidence from the text itself, then it has no place being a theory. If you want to write fanfic, just do that instead.
3. Related to the above rule, do not bring other texts into the fold unless the original work is explicitly tied to them in some way. For example, The Legend of Bum-bo is acceptable material for fan theories about The Binding of Isaac, since the two share a continuity. Trying to tie Earthbound and Undertale, meanwhile, would violate this rule since the two have no explicit ties and are made by entirely different creative teams.
4. No outright denying or contradicting the text; you can’t say a story takes place on Neptune, when it’s consistently shown to take place on Earth, and vice versa.
5. No diagnosing fictional characters with mental disorders the text doesn’t either state or intentionally imply they have. I don’t care what degrees you have, Princess Peach does not have Borderline Personality Disorder. Christian Grey is a lot of things: a liar, a manipulator, and all-around abuser. What he is not is diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder.
6. Word of God is law. If the author explicitly contradicts or denies the thesis of your theory, throw out the theory.
7. When others point out flaws in your theory, any amendments you make to it must NOT make any leaps of logic that violate commandments #2 and #4.

Now, with these laws established, let’s run through some popular fan theories and see which ones stack up under them:

Jack in Titanic is from the future:

Source
The central concept here is that Jack has traveled from the future to save Rose; the former part of this statement is in fact supported by the film. For example, he mentions fishing at Lake Wissota, a man-made lake that wasn’t created until 1917, five years after the Titanic sank. Another is that he claims he will take Rose on a roller coaster on the Santa Monica Pier… which wasn’t built until 1916.

Now, this theory isn’t perfect , but, its core premise does abide by the above rules: it offers an alternative view of the film’s events that doesn’t outright contradict what’s shown, it uses evidence from the film itself, and it keeps itself squarely within the text of the film itself (aside from the bit in the reply about Rose being Sarah Connor’s grandmother).

Overall, this is a good fan theory.

Sandy died at the beginning of Grease:

Source
Right out the gate, this theory violates the First Commandment. The film never gives us any reason to doubt that its events are supposed to be happening; obviously, there’s a lot of non-diegetic singing and dancing thanks to its nature as a musical, but nothing actually suggests that we should question the core plot. The car flying into the heavens at the end is just another wacky visual.
This theory is capital “B” Bullshit.

The Peddler at the beginning of Aladdin is the Genie:

Source
Well, obviously this one was confirmed, but even if it weren’t, it would still hold up because, once again, it follows every commandment to the letter, and uses evidence from the film (Peddler has four fingers, is voiced by Robin Williams, happens to be in possession of the lamp).

Palpatine is Anakin Skywalker’s Father:

Source: a lot of places.
The idea here is that since the Midichlorians are responsible for Shmi’s pregnancy, and Palpatine’s master Plagueis had taught him to manipulate them to create life, he would have tailor-made Anakin to be his perfect puppet.

This theory was solid enough that, while it’s never been confirmed, official sources have in fact alluded to the idea.

Conclusion:

Well, that was my first post in… how many months? Five?! Geedles, remind me not to go that long without posting (though to be fair, time flies when you’re someone’s lawn ornament).

See you next time!