Let's Dissect the 2e Monster Manual's Dragons - Copper Dragon

Doesn’t he just look jolly?

For the record, I’m still working on the rest of the UHoG series, but when you have to write a blog post that’s nothing but a bunch of reviews of dad games, I think you can understand my lack of enthusiasm.

I’m sure there’s an ACAB joke you guys can make, but you’ll want to save it for later. Possibly a lot later, but trust me. It’ll be worth it.

Copper dragons are incorrigible pranksters, joke tellers, and riddlers.
Prankster + D&D 2e = Oh Gosh’s fucking beer gut.

Yes, it’s the “Just a prank, bro!” dragon, in all his glory.
They are prideful and are not good losers, although they are reasonable good winner.
It’s clear that this writer’s not reasonable good grammar.

They are particularly selfish, and greedy for their alignment, and have an almost neutral outlook where wealth is concerned.
“But we had to have a strict Chaotic Good dragon on this list, because… uh, hey look, Bladesingers!”

At birth, a copper dragon's scales have a ruddy brown color with a copper tint. As the dragon gets older, the scales become finer and more coppery, assuming a soft, warm gloss by the time the dragon becomes a young adult.
I’m picturing this guy using a floor buffer on himself, and it’s the funniest fucking thing. I don’t care that that’s not how you treat copper, shut up.

Beginning at the venerable stage, the dragons' scales pick up a green tint.
Again, metallic dragons actually aging like the metal in question is a really nice touch.

Racial tongues. As an aside, the percentage chances that hatchling dragons can communicate with any intelligent creature vary between colors, because of course they do, this is D&D.

Combat: Copper dragons like to taunt and annoy their opponents, hoping they will give up or become angry and act foolishly.
This makes perfect sense, actually.

Early in an encounter, a copper dragon will jump from one side of an opponent to another, landing on inaccessible or vertical stone surfaces. If there are no such places around a dragon's lair, the dragon will create them ahead of time using stone shape, move earth, and wall of stone.
Okay, I actually really like this, so far. This demonstrates a capacity for planning ahead, and the dragon using its powers to make their lair a more suitable battleground.

An angry copper dragon will mire its opponents using rock to mud, and will force victims who escape the mud, into it with kicks.
Again, REALLY good! Why is it that the metallics have thus far been the ones the writers put the most thought into defining actual tactics for? You’re not supposed to fight them, so why are they the ones getting the most interesting encounters?

Once opponents are trapped in the mud, the dragon will crush them with a wall of stone or snatch them and carry them aloft.
Ouch. For someone described as being obnoxious pranksters, these guys do not fuck around when you piss them off.

When fighting airborne opponents, a dragon will draw its enemies into narrow, stony gorges where it can use its spider climb ability in an attempt to maneuver the enemy into colliding with the walls.
Spider derg!

Spider derg!

Does whatever a spider cerg!

… I knew that joke was going to fall flat the minute I started typing it.

Breath weapon/special abilities: A copper dragon's breath is either a cloud of slow gas 30' long, 20' wide, and 20' high or a spurt of acid 70' long and 5' wide.
Let’s not kid ourselves, here; this guy’s got weed breath. “Stone shape” just means “get high out of your gourd”. … Well, somehow it does. I don’t know, maybe he can turn rocks into weed or some shit.

He also has acid on hand, if weed ain’t your drug of choice.

Skipping some stat shit here, we go on to:

At birth, copper dragons can spider climb (stone surfaces only) and are immune to acid.
Thus the wee- Okay, I’ll stop.

I can only imagine a copper dragon parent being driven up the wall by their kids… because they have to get them down from up there.

I need to stop with this shit before Chuckles starts selling rotten produce nearby.

As they age, they gain the following additional powers: Young: neutralize poison three times a day.
Perfect for when you’re having a bad trip!

Juvenile: stone shape twice a day.
Look, I’ve made enough stoner jokes already. I can’t keep milking it.

Adult: forget once a day.
There are so, so many rotten pranks they could pull with this one. Imagine stealing someone's Juicy Fruit, and replacing it with onion gum, then making them forget it happened.

Mature adult: rock to mud once a day.
Aside from practical combat use, you just know they love getting some rich asshole’s fine coat wet.

Old: move earth once a day. Great wyrm: wall of stone once a day.
Seriously, this guy’s pretty much an Earthbender.

After some stats about how well they can jump (?!), we get this:

Habitat/Society: Copper dragons like dry, rocky uplands and mountains.
You don’t say.

They lair in narrow caves and often conceal the entrances using move earth and stone shape.
This kind of camouflage is standard for us mountain-dwelling dergs IRL, so it makes sense.

Within the lair, they construct twisting mazes with open tops. These allow the dragon to fly or jump over intruders struggling through the maze.
Ooh, that’s actually a really neat gimmick for a dungeon.

Which, again, is another idea that really would’ve made for a good antagonist. I can see prospecting DMs wanting to spring one of these guys on their players.

Copper dragons appreciate wit, and will usually leave good or neutral creatures alone if they can relate a joke, humorous story, or riddle the dragon has not heard before.
They appreciate wit, huh? Guess my shitty dad jokes won’t cut it, then. :V

They quickly get annoyed with creatures who don't laugh at their joked[sic] or do not accept the dragon's tricks and antics with good humor.
That hardly seems fair; sometimes, you’re just having a really shitty day, and then some penny-faced chucklefuck pulls the old joy-buzzer on you.

Because they often inhabit hills in sight of red dragons' lairs conflicts between the two subspecies often occur.
I just picture copper dragons being the Spongebob to Smaug a red dragon’s Squidward.

Copper dragons usually run for cover until they can equal the odds.
*insert something about the Joestar Family Technique here*

Ecology: Copper dragons are determined hunters, the good sport a hunt provides is at least as important as the food they get.
I can’t help thinking that they’d be perfect for replacing the Russian in The Most Dangerous Game.

They are known to eat almost anything, including metal ores.
This seems to be a running theme, amongst D&D dragons.

However, they prize giant scorpions and other large poisonous creatures (they say the venom sharpens their wit).
This is such a good detail! I love that they included a common superstition that coppers hold in this description. I’m picturing the copper as being the kind of person who gobbles up endless garlic and guzzles “essential oils” (which, incidentally, you're not supposed to ingest, KAREN).

The dragon's digestive system can handle the venom safely, although injected venoms affect them normally.
Again, another interesting detail.

Overall, the writing quality for these dragons significantly improved when we got to the metallics, which makes me wonder whether they were written first, last, or just by a different writer than the other dragon entries.