Let's Dissect the 2e Monster Manual's Dragons - Topaz Dragon

This thing looks like a weird, malformed bat, from a distance. At least he’s properly tubby, though.

Finally, finally, finally we’re at the last of these fucking gem dragons. Thus far, the gems have occupied a strange middle ground between the unrepentant puppy-kicking Disney villains that are the Chromatics, and the “good” (from self-righteous pricks to irritating asshats that really have no business being exclusively good aligned) Metallics.

Topaz dragons are unfriendly and selfish.

Looks like this guy’s very much leaning towards the “asshole” side of that spectrum.
Though not malevolent, they are seldom pleasant to deal with because of their erratic behavior.

So, your average tumblrite.

Topaz dragons neither seek company nor welcome it.
Then just leave them alone, for Pete’s sake.

At hatching, topaz dragons are a dull yellow-orange in color.
Bucking the trend of these babies being born shiny and cute, these guys have dull, ugly colors at birth. I can dig it.

As they age and their scales harden, the scales become translucent and faceted.
And they instead get shinier and more see-through as they age.

Adult topaz dragons sparkle in full sunlight.
I can’t even make the “do I dazzle you?” joke now, because the Crystal already beat it to the punch.

Racial tongues.

Combat: Topaz dragons dislike intruders, but avoid combat, often conversing to hide psionics or magic use.
“How do you like my model train set? Ain’t it neat? I even put little hoboes in the empty train ca- What, no, I’m not using my powers, that’s just a regular nosebleed.”

If intruders are hostile, or the dragon tires of them, it attacks, psionically first if possible, using spells as needed.
“A’ight, you’re boring me, now. Time to die!”

They enjoy using teeth and claws, and usually save their breath weapon until wounded.
Well, these are some very atypical tactics for a D&D dragon! Color me impressed.

The dragon may pretend to surrender to buy time, and retreats if greatly threatened.
So, they’re Dr. Wahwee- er, Wily.

A Topaz dragon in action!

Breath weapon/special abilities: This dragon's breath weapon is a cone of dehydration, 70 feet long, 5 feet wide at the dragon's mouth and 25 feet wide at the base.
He could probably make a good income making raisins.

When directed against liquids, a cubic foot of water dries up per hit point of damage. Creatures caught by the cone can make a saving throw vs. breath weapon for half damage from water loss.
Who wants Paladin Jerky?

Those who fail to save lose 1d6+6 Strength points; those who succeed lose only 1d6 Strength points. Curative spells less powerful than heal or regeneration are ineffective against Strength loss, though victims who are carefully nursed back to health recover one Strength point per day. Any creature reduced to a Strength of zero or less dies instantly.
Damn, this would be a really effective way to fuck up an adventuring party really fast.

At birth, topaz dragons can breathe water and are immune to cold.
I bet they’d be a real hit at the polar bear club.

As they age, they gain the following powers: Young: protection from evil or good three times a day.
I see they’re taking a cue from Nietzsche, here.

Juvenile: blink three times a day.
The “only blink three times a day” challenge is still probably a lot less terrible for your health than the Choking Game, but damn will your eyes sting.

(I’m kidding, I know it’s a teleport spell.)

Adult: wall of fog three times a day.
i.e. a “turn anywhere into London” spell.

Mature adult: airy water three times a day, 10-foot radius per age category of the dragon.
The jacuzzi is a lie!

Old: part water once a day.
And now it’s randomly Moses, but less “Let my people go!” and more “Off my lawn, damn kids!”

More Mickey Mouse Psionics horseshit.

Habitat/Society: Topaz dragons live by the sea, often building or claiming caves below the waterline; they keep their caves completely dry.
I guess having to keep your cave dry while living under the waterline WOULD make you a grouchy asshole eventually.

These dragons enjoy sunning on rocky outcroppings, enjoying wind and spray.
They do know how to chill out like a proper dragon, though.

They like water little and swim only to hunt or attack.
Wait, so they hate water, but live by the coast? Below the waterline? I feel like the cause of their grouchiness is their own damned fault.

They are indifferent parents at best, and abandon young to protect themselves.
Do these fuckers have any redeeming traits whatsoever?

They dislike bronze dragons and attack them on sight.

Pfff, nope. They’re lethally racist against one of the most genuinely nice creatures in the book, because they apparently hate anything remotely resembling fun and friendliness.

Ecology: Topaz dragons prefer to eat fish and other aquatic creatures, especially giant squid.
Well, okay, eating krakens is pretty metal.

Overall, these guys come across as dicks, but that's about it. Probably the worst part about this guy, though, is that there’s not really much to talk about once you get past the basic premise of “asshole dragon that can dehydrate things”.

Thus, the Gem dragon section ends not with a bang nor a whimper, but a “Bah, humbug!”